Or, as I like to call them, “The Academy of Bloated and Hopelessly Tunnel-Visioned Geriatrics" Awards.

Didn't watch it, but the results are in. Yawn.

( 1. The “Goodbye, It’s Been Swell” Award )

( 2. The “They Have Alec Baldwin and That’s Funny” Award )

( 3. The “We Are Senile and Enjoy Inexplicable Redundancy” Award )

( 4. The “Connie Britton is Too Obscure to Nominate” Award )

( 5. The “Thank God It’s Not That Monk Guy Again!” Award )

( 6. The “Lauren Graham Who?” Award )

( 7. The “It’s Too Many Of You Out There and We Can Barely Remember The Few Show’s Titles As It Is” Award )

( 8. The “What’s That ‘Subtlety’ Thing You Speak Of?” Award )

( 9. The “Obligatory Old Guard but Thanks for Not Making It Shatner Again” Award )

( 10. “We Love Neurotic But Don’t Get Deadpan” Award )

There were other amusements. “The Office” won the best writing, but not the best comedy. “Battlestar Galactica” and “Lost” were nominated for the best writing but not for drama series. Because writing is completely unimportant, people! Snort. And I could go on, but I won’t.

All in all, it was the usual “Who Gives A Flying Kite? We’re Here to Judge Fashion!” annual event. So glad I missed it!

And speaking of being glad to miss something, was that Kristen Bell wrapped in a hospital sheet, sitting in the front row with Masi Oka and blocking the actual cast of “Heroes”? Because that was comedy gold!

( It's Eau de Interloper You're Smelling, Bitch! )

Urgh. I need a drink.