Booooooo. He was the only character I still liked on this show. Why did they have to go and kill him?

Damn. I miss the days of Claire.

*crosses fingers for really bad soap opera revival*

Film meme gakked from seluciav. I didn't realize I'd have to think quite so much. Dang my rusty brain.

( Movie Favourites Meme )

I lay awake last night in the hotel in Calabasas, just outside of beautiful Malibu, unable to sleep.  Too much news and excitement, nervousness and adrenaline all swirling in my veins, synapses firing mercilessly.  Ruminating quietly, alone, on the days ahead of us, and how we had all come to be here, together.

Picture this: Halloween night 2007; the hairs on the back of my neck and up my forearms had been tingling for days before with the promise of exciting news on the horizon.  There had been rumors of another film recently, popping up here and there, but did we really dare believe it this time?  It had been so long, and hope always thins with time.  But I remembered that Mulder, the questing hero who forever holds my heart, had once said to "never give up on a miracle," and I'd said, All right then, Ahab; lead on to that horizon (doesn't matter which slice of Earth the sky meets, as long as you're there).

And then BAM, the news broke like a six-year drought doused in a thunderstorm (is that you, Rain King?), the Internet exploded and I stayed up all damn night, scarcely believing my eyes and ears.  But it was true, our moment had come (again), and we were off on such a goddamn wild ride, I could barely hope to keep up.

And what a ride it's been.  Nearly eight months already, so many of us half-mad with anticipation, anxiousness, over-speculation (it's never just a nice little trip to the forest, is it?); discussing and arguing ourselves into oblivion and lapping it all up, every tidbit, with a spoon.  The ups and downs (and there have been many of both) wilder and more jarring than any rollercoaster could ever offer, all the way up until the end.  Fake news, real news, something-in-between news; photos, videos, interviews, junkets, TV spots, trailers, magazines, cards, books, DVDs... I'm sorry, did I slip back into 1998 for a moment there?  Nope; nostalgia may be thick and strong even now, but it's still 2008 and going strong, baby.  When we say "We are back!" you don't quite know what we mean until we hit you upside the head with it.



How can I possibly fully explain everything, or even anything close to that estimation, that this show means to me?  Has meant, and continues to mean; how it has shaped and molded and inspired me?  How it pushes me on, knocks me down, kicks me around, and yanks me back up again, while I soak up every minute of it?  How can someone who hasn't been there every step of the way (hell, even those who have) know what I mean, or how I feel and have felt?  They can't, but they can tell me how they feel; you can tell me how you feel.  For the sake of this record, here is what I feel.

*  *  *  *  *
In 1993, I stood in the living room of my family's home, mesmerized in front of the television screen (something that rarely ever happened up to that point in my life).  I watched a man, who was immediately beautiful and intriguing to me, chase a white wolf into a dense forest and fire a gun to warn he and his fellows away from a shallow grave; saw him break down and cry, alone, in a sparsely lit church.  I didn't know what I'd seen (I was promptly yanked upstairs by my mother), nor when I'd see it again; I was a little eight-year-old girl who was late going to bed one fateful Friday night.  How could I possibly have known how much of my life would be affected by the few minutes I'd stumbled upon?

Over the years, I came to see more and more of the show; came to love and respect the actor behind that man who'd arrested my complete attention years before, came to adore and abscond with that show like a secret treasure of the ears, eyes and mind.  It heightened my vocabulary, it made me think, it made me imagine a world beyond my own, it made me believe.

See Mulder and Scully; dark coats blotting out the sky behind them, shoulder to (not quite) shoulder, in step both in their fierce loyalty and in their deep, wounded hearts.  In love first in mind; friendship and partnership stronger than anything, and above all else.  I saw pure love in all these things and more; small touches rife with meaning, long looks full of promise, and ultimately support and comraderie in their darkest hours.

JET once wrote a farewell of sorts to the series, and it made me cry the first time I read it (and still does).  This show, MY show; I so often say it, as do many of you, in such a way: "This SHOW, GAH." or words to that effect.  If you haven't seen it, haven't felt it, you just don't know.  I once walked miles, on my own, to greet an empty field, and it was one of the most personally significant moments of my life.  I watched the dying sun hit the browning grass that stretched out before me, and I knew I could never answer if someone were to ask me why I went; no one but myself.

Today I drove through Venice, saw new little beach homes being constructed in the empty spaces between half-streets.  One tiny lot housed nothing but a concrete base and three metal staircases, reaching upwards into nothing; gaping open and waiting toward the skies.  This is us, this is me, for the next 48 hours, give or take (depending on time zone, access, et cetera); waiting with our hearts open and our minds aching for that first stretch of ground to appear, to open up to our feet, and carry us on to continue our journey.

Fifteen years of my life; on and off and then forever on, and these few words are merely the tip of the iceberg, though I don't know what else to say.  These people are real because Double D and GA and countless others; the writers, directors, crew members and all made them so; so real they almost hurt to look at sometimes, that we can almost hear them speaking in the silences or lurking in the shadows, can almost smell the lingering scent of a cigarette; can wade in the sea of the vast imagination they helped create.

It's not over tomorrow, nor the day after, nor the day after that.  It just keeps on going, because, like Mulder, I want to believe.  I do believe; that truth is out there, immortal, carried on in all of us.  We are hovering on the precipice, on the edge of that staircase in the air, and the ground is fast approaching.  We all built it together, and I can't wait to walk it with you.

*  *  *  *  *
Lastly, there is absolutely no forgetting all the people I have met (in person and through no more than electronic connection), who have changed my life beyond explanation.  The writers who have inspired me, who intimidate and encourage me, who lift me up even as they crush me by the weight of their talents.  Alex, Farah, Wendy, Dasha, Sarah, Jennifer, tree, Kylie, Kathy, Rana, Becky, Ericka, Julie, Allie, Mary, Lisa, Kristen, Courtney, Devon, Lid, Aly, stellar_dust, Vieh, Sandee, Perla, Tiffany, Grace, Andrea, Lissie, Naraht, Cassie, Circe, Aloysia, Tamar, Diane, Jade, Erika, Phil, Elizabeth, Penumbra, JET, Susan... so, so, SO many others who I only have handles for but don't wish to divulge, as I want this to remain as personal as possible (I can only hope you know who you are).  Late-night conversations, countless e-mails, IMS and comments; endless laughter and stubborn tears, stories created and told, parties hosted, squee and flail shared, hands held, hugs given and received, and ultimately: time spent.  I cannot thank any single one of you enough for your time and care, can only express my wishes that we continue to share more time in the future.  This show will never die, though we will, but I like to think our connections won't, either.

The most important things on The X-Files are the most important to me, and quite frankly should be to everyone: honesty, loyalty, friendship, love, courage, perserverence, faith, and of course, trust.  The knowledge that when you reach out into the dark, there will be someone there to grab hold of your hand (or at least shine a huge-ass flashlight helpfully in your face).  "Here be monsters, Scully."  "Shut up Mulder, I'm playing baseball." ♥

*  *  *  *  *
Unforgivably sappy?  Pehaps.  (Okay, likely.)  Heartfelt and necessary?  Without a doubt.  If you're here with me on this one, then we believe the same thing.


I leave you with the first stanza of a wonderful poem by Dylan Thomas, which never fails to remind me of my beloved Mulder ("all scapegrace and mettle, and built like a poem"; cheers, Penumbra, please don't ever stop writing)( ... )

For posterity's sake, if you will.  For the record, I very nearly flocked this post.  Laugh if you must, but yes, this is something very personal.  Those who know what I mean when I say that, they're the lucky ones.


Wish me luck for tomorrow!  I am so fucking nervous I don't think I'll sleep one hour tonight.

*breathes*

I had other things to update about that we did today, but I just had my brain broken a bit by my online friend Lisa.

I am going to be walking the press line with her, camera in tow, on behalf of The Chicago Tribune, at the XF2 premiere on Wednesday.

I... can't believe I just typed that sentence.  And it was CRAZY, all I had to do was ASK her, and she said, "Hells yes!  All they gave me was a dinky little camera, I'd love to have you there with me!"  And I died a death I cannot possibly begin to describe.

I'm not 100% sure yet how it's all going to work, but Lisa's working on my credentials to accompany her there as we speak.  (Before anyone even asks: No, this does not guarantee me entry to the premiere, and I seriously doubt it will.  No, I'm not sure yet whether I'll also be able to photograph the fan event before the premiere from the press floor.  But I will find out the definitive answers to both questions ASAP.)

But even if the answer to both of those is no, I don't care.  I WILL BE WALKING THE FUCKING PRESS LINE.

I... need to go lie down and stop flipping the fuck out.

So some night last week I bothered my neck somehow sleeping... it kind of half nagged me. Then on Saturday night I exacerbated it to the point of near paralysis... today was worse.

I couldn't lay in my bed comfortably and I tried to sleep in the living room floor and on the couch and finally back in my bed... I think I got about four hours of sleep total... and I felt horrible.

I worked about half a day and then came home and Mems picked up some Ben-gay for me so I put some on and took a short nap... I feel better now... my neck is less tense, still sore though.

I'm sorting through some bills and things I've needed to do for awhile now and trying to take it easy so I can be more on the ball tomorrow.

Is it wrong to pay $45 bucks to go to a Celebration of Writers to hear Mitch Albom and Tracy Letts speak?

We've been doing a lot in the past couple of days, so I'll try and recap: (1) visited several X-Files locations of old (some from FTF, one from Dreamland, and some others I'm blanking on at the moment, (2) had some great food for lunch and dinner the past couple of days (more recommendations from David, all great stuff), and other things that I am tired and blanking on.  (I'm sorry, I've just been watching the behind-the-scenes of XF2 + new footage + fan testimonials (JULIE!) thing on mute (I can't stand dubbed German) on YouTube, and am flailing more than a little over how great they look and how excited I'm getting all over again and how I kind of want to EAT MULDER WITH A SPOON.

But the main point of this post was meant to be: our plans for touring the Queen Mary (where they shot "Triangle") fell through today, so we're going to go tomorrow instead, and what did we do to fill our suddenly empty afternoon?  We went to see The Dark Knight.  Oh, yeah.

Non-spoilery reactions, cons first: I am sorry, but Christian Bale has never done it for me, and still doesn't.  He's just so... flat.  The weird-ass fake Batman voice (never saw Batman Begins, so that was new to me) really, really doesn't help, either.  I'd say that he and Maggie were the weak links in an otherwise stunning cast (but considering the overall quality, that is SO not an insult).  The rest of the cast, though?  HOLY SHIT, dudes.  Heath Ledger (yes, I know), Gary Oldman (!!!), Aaron Eckhart (!), Michael Caine...!  So much awesome flying around, I kept getting hit by flying AWESOME shrapnel!  (P.S. to my fellow Philes, look out for Melinda McGraw as Gordon's wife!)  Other con, surprisingly: the score.  I love Howard Shore and James Newton Howard, so I'm as surprised as anybody that I'm putting the score in the cons section, but I must.  There was this particular strings note that they'd hold for WAY TOO LONG before a moment of surprise or when something intense was about to happen that just felt wrong to me (and they used it a lot, which made it a predictable choice).  Other than that, and some other odd inclusions, the score was a very good one, though (Iron Man's was better and much more consistent).

Pros: Allow me a moment, because it must be said: HEATH FUCKING LEDGER, Jesus Christ.  That was a fully and completely embodied role, and a fucking scary one at that.  Every tic, every movement, the way he walked, spoke (the slight lisp), when he yelled or whispered, fired a gun, whipped out a knife... everything.  Holy shit.  I was enthralled.  I walked out of the movie theater, and it took me a moment to realize that I was actually shaking.  Now that I've got that necessary bit of flail out of the way (seriously, if he doesn't get a posthumous Oscar nod, there is something wrong with the Academy... I mean, more so than usual), Gary Oldman as Gordon rocked my effing socks.  Eckhart as Dent was great too, and an unusual yet inspired choice.  Very intense moments, and Nolan used a gigantic blockbuster budget to great effect (huge, sweeping cityscape shots, amazingly staged stunts and action, etc.)  The editing and flow was also top notch.

In short, I loved it (though I had a strong feeling I would, Bale issues aside).  I'm sure I'll be seeing it again (both my parents want to see it).  However, that is not my biggest priority at the moment.  That slot goes to the following:

(1) Being one of the 500 lucky fans to make it into the special fan event at the XF2 premiere on Wednesday; (2) getting good shots there, omfg; (3) SEEING THE MOVIE, OFMG HOLD ME; (4) and then seeing it about 80 more times.  Seriously, I thought I was excited before, but seeing all that new footage, and knowing what I know, and just... everything kind of culminated today, and punched me in the kidney, all like, "YOU ARE NOT EXCITED ENOUGH ABOUT XF2.  PLEASE ALLOW ME TO CORRECT THIS EGREGIOUS ERROR IN JUDGMENT."  *punch*

We're really getting down to it now, folks.  More specifically, we're less than 5 days away.  If I never post again, I probably suffered an aneurysm from an overload of excitement and GLEE.  I'll check back in again soon, BBs! :D

and it needs to be dedicated to Doctor/Rose and Donna (not like that!) fics. Yup. Stories, some short, some long and meandering and epic, all about the Doctor traveling the TARDIS with Rose and Donna, his two soulmates, lover and friend, as his companions.

Yup. This community needs to happen.

As I've stated elsewhere, once I finished season two of New Who, I was going to rewatch what I call my "Her Name was Rose" collection which includes ... all of season one, "The Christmas Invasion, all of season two (minus "The Girl in the Fireplace" because the tone, characterization of the Doctor just does NOT fit continuity-wise with the episodes prior and after it), "The Runaway Bride" "Partners in Crime," "Turn Left," "The Stolen Earth" and "Journey's End."

A few weeks ago I finished up the second episode, and am now finally doing the third. I know I promised that they would come more swiftly once series four was over, but I started reading a series of books (Jacqueline Carey's Kushiel's Legacy Series) and have found myself consumed with reading those. I'm not done, but I swore I would get "The Unquiet Dead" done last week, and seeing as how this is Sunday, I already didn't follow-through, so dangit, I'm doing it now. I have three and half more books to go in the Kushiel Series, so I can't promise it won't be another few weeks before I do an episode four write-up, but once I'm done with the books, I expect these to come faster. I swear. Anyhoo, on with the write-up ...

( Behind the cut with spoilers for 'New Earth,' 'Tooth & Claw' 'Doomsday' and a specific-actor-related spoiler for 'Journey's End.' (Doesn't spoil the plot at all of that episode.) )

Why does Disney not make Aladdin, Beauty and the Beast or The Lion King DVDs any more? Or why does Australia not get them? Does anyone else think this is mental? Ebay is going insane with prices for these DVDs because they can't be found in any store. There's a bidding frenzy going on for them. *pouts* I'm not rich enough to get involved in one of those. It's just so odd.

I can find crap Disney movies or cartoons that are less heralded like Robin Hood (even though I did grow up on that one) but I can't find The freakin' Lion King unless I want to pay a lot for it or - heck - I could probably get an American DVD on Amazon if I dished out for a multi-region player after already buying a DVD player last year.

I don't understand why they would no longer be made when demand is still so high. I'm sure demand isn't as high as new Pixar releases, but everyone I know with a child says how they want to collect all the good Disney films for them. When one of my customers told me last year TLK had gone out of print, I thought she must be mistaken.

There are still copies on the market. It's just not something I'd reasonably want to pay. Hmmm. I may have to cry to get them.

dollsome posted snippets of a Craig Thomas interview with and OMYGOD!!! Any doubt I had that they would screw up Barney/Robin is gone ... though, to be honest, if you've read my thoughts on the last episodes of season three, you know that I had no doubts. And, AHA! I was right.

( Read on behind the click, behind the click. (No real spoilers, just vague stuffies.) )

Wow. I feel like all I ever post is drive by updates. Man. I really apologize you guys. I'm headed out to Portland today. It is entirely to early to be up on a Saturday. I would seriously like to know when I am actually going to get some real sleep?...but anyway, just going home for a few, I'll have internet access so I should be able to finally catch up on the old flist, and do a real post. YAY.

Happy weekend everyone! I LOVE you! *hugs*

Okay, yeah, y'all are expecting me to say something, right?  I just... I...  Charlie Sheen.  CHARLIE FUCKING SHEEN.  Do not talk to me right now.  Just... don't.

(Silver lining: FOUR nominations for Breaking Bad, most notably for Bryan Cranston and Vince Gilligan.  Yes, I cheered, but I'm still fucking depressed.  DO NOT EVEN.)

Trip is still going swimmingly.  We checked out several Californication filming locations today, saw the studio where they film it (from the outside, of course; it's such a small lot we didn't dare attempt to get in), ate at A Votre Santé (very yummy, thanks for the rec, David!), drove around Venice and Santa Monica, and shopped a bit on the Third Street Promenade.

Oh, well... it was what I expected, right?  I guess I just really, really wanted to be wrong, dammit.  At least this, this (David on set yesterday) and this did manage to cheer me up, maybe just a bit. ;)  Oh, and this article is just 150% awesome; way to go, IGN.  But still, FUCK.

Also, Firefox picked this particular time to update, and now my beloved, absolutely necessary and VITAL "undo closed tabs" button is NO LONGER THERE.  Fuckity fuck fuck me.  I need to sleep.

Act II of "Dr. Horrible" ... ( plenty spoilers )

Go watch it now here!!!!

Sigh, I so need to make an NPH icon!