So, yeah, I’m writing a VM fanfic. Don’t laugh! And when I do I try to stay close to canon. What can I say, I’m a masochist. In the course of writing I came to that pesky FBI Internship Veronica supposedly got. I planned to stifle my disbelief (forget suspending it, in VM case it has to be beaten down with butch boots and grounded into dust in order to swallow what Rob Thomas is selling). I figured I might as well go to a web-site and read what such an internship would entail.

And I am, once again, confronted by the fact that Rob Thomas is either incapable of learning, lives in his own reality, or else, thinks his audience is illiterate and addle-minded. Because it took me all of 12 seconds of Googling to find out what he was too lazy to look up.

1. FBI does NOT take freshmen into their Internship program Applicants must be in their junior or senior year!
2. Applications are due in earlier October!
3. An extencive interview process is set up, both at the local field office and then, if you pass that, at the headquarters in Washington, D.C. by early November.
4. Final decisions are generally made in November, and selected candidates receive a conditional job offer soon thereafter.
5. And this little sticky point right from their site: Background Investigation – Candidates who accept a conditional job offer will be asked to complete the required background investigation paperwork and will be scheduled for a security interview, pre-employment polygraph examination to check the truthfulness of all of your responses (I can just hear that: Miss Mars, have you ever committed a Federal crime? Say, helped a fugitive flee the country? Please answer yes or no), urinalysis test, and fingerprinting. FBI investigators will also contact former and current employers, references, social acquaintances, and neighbors, and review school, credit, arrest, medical, and military records. The length of your background investigation depends on a number of different variables, including how quickly and thoroughly you complete the background investigation documents; the extent of your foreign travel or time living abroad; and inconsistencies in the application and investigation process.

There’s no way in hell Veronica Mars makes it past any of this! None!

And if in some alternate universe she does, here’s the exciting work she’d be stuck with performing enthusiastically:

1. "As an Honors Intern, you will have opportunities to participate in executive briefings; field trips to the FBI Academy, the FBI Laboratory, and the Washington Field Office; special tours of FBI Headquarters, etc. You will find it to be an intense, fun-filled, and rewarding summer."

For that, read "field trips" and long, boring meetings you have to take extensive notes at.

2. "Projects vary according to the background of the Honors Intern. For example, in past years Honors Interns with a Psychology, Forensic Psychology, Sociology, Behavioral Science, or Criminology background have worked on research projects such as the analysis of crime data."

Yes, Veronica, you can look forward to the hours and hours of fascinating staring at the charts and printouts! Yippee! But hey, you get to compile the whole sheets of paper, sort them by color, and stuff them into neat packages! And that label-maker is a hoot!

"Projects also vary based on the division of assignment. For example, Honors Interns assigned to the FBI's Inspection Division have audited divisions throughout the United States to assure compliance with FBI regulations."

Regulation compliance, Veronica! Just the thing you are so good at! It’s practically your field of expertise right there. Plus, think of the fun studying all those thick volumes of rules and regulations!

"Honors Interns assigned to the FBI Office of Public Affairs have conducted readership surveys for the FBI's internal magazine ("The Investigator"), analyzed the results, and presented recommendations for future issues."

As someone who’s done "readership surveys," I am here to tell you that it’s right up there with root canals and OBGYN visits for sheer entertainment value.

Sigh. I’m getting to the point, honestly. The advice I need is whether I should rework my plot (or what passes for plot in my story) to ignore this travesty and make like Veronica never heard of this Internship? Or should I treat reality the same way RT does and just pretend the Universe obeys my misconceptions? Help!